Jumbled together

A friend of mine blogged a few weeks ago that she wasn't going to write what she thought people would like, she was going to write what she wanted. She made me think about my blog & I realized I wanted to do the same thing.  I am going to try to get back to what I want to write - the good, the bad and the ugly. 

I started this post a few weeks ago & never quite figured out how I wanted it to go - still haven't for that matter. This is a complete jumble & I'm leaving it that way. Tomorrow would be my mom's 74th birthday. I have been thinking about her more lately. I mean I think of her & talk to her everyday, but over the last few weeks I have been having dreams about her. I don't know what the dreams mean, but I imagine I am trying to work through things that are happening in my life. To put it simply, there has been a bunch of crap going on in the last few weeks. I just want to pick up the phone & chat with mom about nothing & everything. I want her opinion on how to handle things. It sucks that she is gone & I miss her. I know I am not alone in this feeling, but it isn't something I usually talk about because I don't want people to feel bad for me.  I am just expressing my thoughts & there are days when I don't want to hear positive things. No matter what you may see on the outside, life isn't always easy. Most of us are pretty good at hiding what's really going on .  It is easier to put a smile on your face & just say everything is going great because you think most people don't want to be bothered hearing that something sucks. Your true friends will be there for you, you can count on that.  And you will sometimes be surprised who they are. Some you have known for a lifetime & others only a short time, but when push comes to shove, you know they have your back. I don't know how I would have gotten through the last few weeks without them.  Whether it was just listening or doing something to make me laugh, I am happy we are friends.