Happy holidays... is it January yet?

'Tis the season for Christmas music, parties & laughter - everything is awesome!  I put a smile on my face, sing the songs & some years I decorate.  I used to send out cards. This year, I didn't even consider sending them out. Maybe one day I will use all the stampin' stuff I have to make some cards again.  Christmas

doesn't carry the same excitement it used to for me.  It has become one day that I would rather skip over if I could. I love everything about Christmas, but my joy at celebrating the holidays ended when my mom passed.  There is something to be said about losing a parent - nothing is ever the same. Yes, I miss Karen & Joe tremendously, but mom is the one who made the holidays fun after they were gone. I can still remember December 2010.  Mom had had been admitted to the hospital over Thanksgiving weekend and I would visit every day. During the day, she decided I would be her personal shopper.  Calling & leaving me messages about some chocolate she thought would be perfect for so & so, something or another for one of the nurses.  The list kept growing & it was a busy time leading up to Dec 25th.  On Christmas day, I went to the hospital to spend time with her.  She kicked dad & I out after a little while and said we had to go spend the day with the family. That was my last Christmas with mom & I knew it was at the time. I wish could go back & spend the entire day with her, but I know she never would have allowed it. I realize everyone has to go through this at some point in their lives, but is it this challenging for everyone else?  I try every year to enjoy things, but the sadness is never far from the surface. I make a point to accept invitations & stay busy during the holiday season when I would rather be at home on the couch. I 'm working on making new memories at Christmas, but all I end up doing is compare everything to when mom hosted it. Maybe it is part of the grieving process, maybe I'm just lucky to feel the way I do (not!)  Who knows, but it is hard. This year the only decorating I have done was to put the wreath on the front door. Only time will tell if anything else will get done. Don't know where dad & I will land for Christmas this year since some of the family is traveling, but I assume we will spend it together (no I am not looking to be invited to your house!) Last year, we watched the Blues Brothers on Christmas day before heading to the family dinner.  Kind of hoping we get to do something like that again. Now since I don't exchange gifts with anyone, I really need to stop buying them for myself...