Clear your mind & the rest will follow

Originally this post was going to be about competition, then I thought about training and nutrition. Then I decided that it would be about happiness. Better yet, my happiness. I'm 42, single & don't have anyone special in my life because I don't want to put myself out there. I'm afraid of commitment & fear that if anyone gets close to me something bad will happen. Maybe one day, I'll meet that person who makes me want to take that step, but for now, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Been doing that for too many years. Back to happiness. Earlier this week, I had lunch with some friends. My family came up in conversation & I filled them in on things that had been going on in the last year.  Other than in passing, I haven't seen anyone but my father since October. For that matter, I don't see many of my old friends either. I spend my time with my training partners & my co-workers. During the conversation, I started to feel guilty for that lack of contact. The rest of my day (and the following day) took an emotional toll on me. I was beating myself up for choices that I made. Then I realized it is a two way street. I am busy, but so are my friends & family. I told myself then & there that I was going to stop beating myself up. I am happy with my life. I love the training that I do. I get up before 4:45 am five days a week. Weekends, I'm usually up before 6. When I get off of work, I am ready to head home & relax. I try to be in bed by 8:30 every night. My closest friends are my teammates & training partners. 

The last week has been tough. I started running again & ran every day from Sunday to Saturday. It has helped rehab an injury, but it's been frustrating too - I need more patience. Add in the emotional side of things, it made for a challenging week. Today, I had a 60 mile ride on the calendar. I was riding with my friends & teammates and the weather was perfect. I had my new FeXY gear to wear & I was testing out my bike after the fit I had last week. We were tackling a few hills on the ride & I had ridden them last year. I was apprehensive about portions of the ride, but I told myself to suck it up & do it (turns out the hills weren't nearly as bad as I thought they would be - winter training is paying off!) Since we are all ride at different paces, there were times when I was riding alone. I had no music, so it was just me, Frank (my bike) and the pavement. I let my mind clear & focused solely on riding. It was just what I needed & greatly improved my mood. This is one of the reasons I love what I am doing. It makes me happy. I am out spending time training & my mind is clear of all the distractions. I am not the person I used to be. I am dedicated & motivated. I am in competition with myself. Every time I train, I want to be better than I was the day before. I don't just mean going farther or faster. I want to be smarter. I have learned so much & have plenty more to learn. I wish I had started this journey years ago, but I know I wasn't ready. I would have tried it & quit. It wasn't the right time. 2014 was the year for me to realize that I do matter & I should be a priority. I'm glad that I was able to take that first step last January. I will always be thankful for my friends who encouraged me to start & continue to support me in my endeavors. I consider you all to be part of my family. Thank you.

Nutrition & training will be another day. Competition will always be part of my life. I compete with everyone but deep down I know I my only real competition is myself. As race season approaches, I need to remain focused on what I have been training for and not what others are doing. It is fun to compare workouts with my friends, but I need to remember that I am not racing against them.  Well, except for my friend, Steph. I am racing against her because we are in the same age group. But, I know I can't beat her because she is simply out of my league. So far though, we are only signed up for one race together (thank goodness!) and since it is a time based triathlon, I may be able to get a little more distance on the bike, but I'm not banking on it. I'll be cheering her on but hoping I was able to jut get a little more on the bike. If I don't, it won't matter that much, but I'm not gonna lie, it would be nice to win the bike portion. In the end, I have to follow my plan. I didn't do that all the time last year, but this season, I am going in to every race with a plan. When I execute it properly, I do well & when I don't, things fall apart.

Keep on keepin' on people.  Find your happiness!