Back to the beach

I can remember standing on the beach in 2014 looking at the Potomac & thinking to myself – what the hell had I gotten myself into? I was in Colonial Beach for my first open water sprint triathlon & didn’t know what to expect.  So many unknowns – about the sport & myself.  After the sprint in 2014, I did the International in 2015 & 2016. This past weekend, I was heading back to Colonial Beach for the International again (1500m swim, 24 mile bike & a 10k run).  It is always a hard race for me. The swim is always challenging & I’m thankful when I am back on the beach and the run, while flat, can be brutal. Heading into the weekend, there is only one phrase that comes to mind about my state of mind – burned out. This year has been harder for me than others in recent memory.  I’ve struggled with my depression, challenges with my dad and work that just never seems to end.  In the past, training & racing always brought me peace & helped center me. Lately, it seems to be adding to the burden.  Late last week, I was toying with the idea of not racing again after Sunday because I was so unhappy. I was hopeful the weekend would refresh me & bring me back. 

Arriving at the race site Sunday morning, it was a little chilly – something I have never experienced in Colonial Beach.  Humidity was low & I thought if this is going to be the last race for a while, I better make the most of it. I had a vague plan for the race – wanted to go 3:05 or better. I knew there were a lot of strong women in my group, so I was only focused on my time and not blowing up on the run. The current was really strong (as usual) and the swim went as expected. The biggest plus was that I had zero pain in my shoulder during the swim & I can't remember the last time that was the case. Bike was pretty routine & uneventful. Before I knew it, I was back in transition & heading out on the run. All in all, it was fairly good. I would have loved to have been faster, but isn't that always the case? While there was little humidity, that sun is strong & hot. Thankfully they had ice at the rest stops along with a few water hoses to spray you with. I took full advantage of both. I tried something new yesterday too - I looked at my total time when I started the run and I didn't look at it again until after I finished. I knew I had a chance to get a personal best, but didn't want to focus on it.  I focused on my form, tried to my head up & not give up. When I finished, I still didn't look at the watch for a few minutes - it wasn't important. After getting some water & finding my friends, I looked. I had finished in 3:02:55, which translated into a 17+ minute improvement from 2016 on the same course. It is also my best time for that distance by 2 minutes. All in all a pretty solid race.  There is room to improve, but for now it's enough.  

And as for not racing again, that's not gonna happen - sometimes it seems that triathlon (& all things associated with it) - is one of the few things that makes me happy because it is something I choose to do. I know I'll race again and it will probably be next month. I just need to focus on the good in my life & not let all of the other shit drag me down. Way easier said than done, but it is doable, I just need to believe.